


Kyle's Boomin' Road Trip

by KPesh123



Series: Kyle's Boomin' Adventures [5]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Alternate Universe - After College/University, Alternate Universe - Canada, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Road Trip, Bad Writing, Beer, Best Friends, Binge Drinking, Canada, Childhood Friends, College, Drinking, Drugs, Excessive Drinking, Friendship, Fucking, Good Writing, Heavy Drinking, Late Night Writing, Marijuana, Other, Party, Partying, Police, Police Brutality, Porn, References to Drugs, Road Trips, Smoking, Tequila, Travel, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking, Whiskey & Scotch, Wine, World Travel, Writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:08:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25862596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KPesh123/pseuds/KPesh123
Summary: Kyle and The Boys decide to kick off the summer with a road trip to Canada where the drinking age is 18 and weed is legal.  Unfortunately for them, they run into many sticky situations.
Series: Kyle's Boomin' Adventures [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1867981





	Kyle's Boomin' Road Trip

**Author's Note:**

> Make sure to read the previous stories from Kyle's Boomin' Adventures.

Kyle’s Boomin Road Trip

Things had gone back to normal after the boys stopped the apocalypse. Kyle did not think through that if he stopped the Coronavirus from spreading then there would be no need to close down the schools. Kyle was beyond livid that he had to go back to his school. Since Kyle killed the original founder of the school, it was now under a different name. What was once Geed University was now named The Soviet U, named after the philosophy of a deranged psycho Kyle beat up at a 1960’s Civil Rights Rally in Washington D.C. 

Ever since the Wank Bang incident Kyle had been down on his luck at college. When his friends came and destroyed the place, also bringing along porn company henchmen, Kyle was not well liked. It wasn’t even the destruction of property that triggered the students, it was the fact that Malcolm openly admitted that he had sexual thoughts about another human being. That was a clear violation of the rape conduct at his school. Before the Wank Bang Incident the students hated Kyle and kept it behind his back. The students would avoid Kyle and only talk to him when they needed tools such as screwdrivers or TV cables. After the incident, they were not afraid to say it to his face.

“You’re a fucking scumbag, I hope you know that.” A social justice college student would say.

“Thank you very cool!” Kyle would always respond with a touch of glee, further pissing off the student.

Kyle dealt with that every day on his way to classes. Only a handful of people still talked to Kyle, and he hated them with a burning passion. Unfortunately Nancy Drew still tried to associate herself with Kyle. Even though he went back in time and cursed Nancy out when she was at her lowest point in life, she still immediately gravitated to Kyle in college. This confused Kyle more than an anatomy textbook. 

One night in his dorm, Kyle was on his bed trying to watch Danny Mullen fuck with college students on a liberal campus. Kyle longed to have Danny come to his school and fuck with the students there. Just the fact that Danny would approach a woman without her permission and make sexual remarks would ghastly offend the simps on campus. While Kyle was trying to watch his video Nancy barged in as usual just to ruin his night.

Nancy was also friends with Kyle’s roommate. Kyle’s roommate was usually very depressed and kept to himself. Ever since he threw up from the weed pen filled with herpes infected cum, Kyle’s roommate hadn’t had much luck with the ladies. Although he was depressed, it was when Nancy came to pick on Kyle that he cheered up. Together they tag teamed bullying the ever living fuck out of Kyle when he was down on his luck, trying to make him feel pathetic and miserable. They even went as far as getting Kyle’s other friend to join the fun, leaving him with no one. This time was the final straw. 

“Hey Kyle you know that girls pee out of their butts?” Nancy asked Kyle laughing.

“Oh yeah of course they do!” Kyle responded sarcastically. 

“You know where girls actually pee right?” Nancy asked.

“Of course I do, I’m not a retard.” 

“Where do they pee out of then?” 

“Their pussy obviously.” Kyle said with a large amount of confidence. 

“Wait, do you actually believe that?” Nancy asked. Kyle’s roommate was starting to laugh hysterically. 

“Uh yea.” Kyle responded, starting to think that he fucked up. 

“Oh my god he actually believes it!” Nancy shouted hysterically. 

Kyle knew he had fucked up. It was well known that Kyle was not the brightest person. Kyle was shocked that he was able to get into college and even questioned the admissions staff for allowing him in. If Kyle could barely pass his classes, there was no chance in hell he understood female anatomy. Nancy and Kyle’s roommate were having a field day with the newly acquired knowledge about Kyle’s shortcomings. They were not going to let the poor soul off easy with this. It was at this moment J.C. walked into the room. Recently, J.C. had been caught doing Nazi salutes in public places. People had started to question if he was an actual Nazi. J.C. walked into Kyle’s room with a shaved head and red laced Doc Martens. 

“Hey guys so I’ve given it a lot of thought, I’m coming out as a skinhead. I was trying to hide it but I have to accept who I am. I’m a skinhead and proud!” J.C. said, giving the Heil Hitler before leaving. Kyle and the rest were speechless.

“Jesus I wonder what’s up his cervix.” Nancy commented. 

“I have no clue anymore. You know I’m trying to watch Danny Mullen here.” Kyle responded.

“Kyle, does Danny Mullen have a cervix?” Nancy asked. 

“Uh sure?” Kyle responded with a huge amount of doubt in his voice. 

“Oh my god you can’t be serious now!” Nancy responded laughing. Kyle’s roommate was dying in the corner. 

“God fucking damnit.” Kyle said angrily. Kyle knew he fucked up now.

“Kyle what is a cervix?” Nancy asked mockingly. 

“I don’t have to answer that.” 

“Tell me what a cervix is.”

“No, fuck off Nancy.” 

“Kyle, tell me.” 

“Alright I’m putting in my headphones I’m done with this conversation.” 

“Oh look! He’s putting in his headphones! He doesn’t know what a cervix is!” Nancy shouted while laughing demonically. She and Kyle’s roommate made sure to rub it in his face how pathetic and retarded he was. 

“Kyle you’re not going to get a girlfriend unless you know these things.” Nancy said more seriously.

“Okay fuck this I’m leaving!” Kyle yelled.

“What?” Nancy asked, still laughing.

“You always fucking do this! You two make me feel completely worthless and pathetic! I’m done! Nancy, from the bottom of my heart go fuck yourself!” Kyle yelled.

Nancy responded by giving two air kisses to seem cute and innocent in order to hide how shitty of a person she actually was. Nancy was still laughing when Kyle walked out. Kyle walked around the campus alone, not saying anything. Instead of unleashing his brutal anger out on everyone, Kyle kept it inside himself. He would go silent and not say a word. By the look on his face, one could tell the amount of rage that was building up inside his head, the equivalent of Corey Taylor screaming on the Slipknot album Iowa. Kyle kept his cool however, and facetimed the boys, the only thing keeping him going at college. 

“Dude you gotta get the fuck out of there, that place is killing you.” Mark said. 

“Yeah I honestly feel bad that you have to go to that shithole.” Malcolm commented. 

“Yo fuck those people for treating you like that.” Nick said.

“Honestly, you should transfer.” Jay said. 

“I can’t, my parents would kill me because they blew so much money on the crappy merch. I honestly don’t get it, this place is not a brag.” Kyle told the boys. 

“That fucking sucks, you know what we gotta do?” Mark asked.

“What’s that?” Kyle responded.

“A boomin road trip.” 

“Fuck yes.” 

The remainder of the semester was a shitshow for Kyle. Nancy and Kyle’s roommate still bullied the ever living fuck out of him whenever they were together. Due to the stress and anxiety building up inside, whether it be from classes or the fact that everyone there were assholes, Kyle had a mental breakdown and cried hysterically like a little bitch in the bathroom. Nobody asked him how he was doing or seemed to care. On the final weekend of the semester, the students threw a big party on the main lawn. Dubbed as Sloppy Saturday, the school would turn its back and let the students do what they want. The students were waiting for Kyle’s turn to throw up. He had thrown up many times before with the boys, never at school. Kyle was doing Edward 40 hands with his one friend Ron. Nancy and Kyle’s roommate were jealous of his friendship with Ron, always making gay jokes about the two of them. They even made gay jokes about Kyle and Malcolm as well. Eventually they turned Ron against Kyle. In the dining hall all three of them attacked Kyle calling him an inside the closet homosexual. Kyle left the table and finished his lunch alone while they mocked him behind his back. Nevertheless Kyle and Ron still decided to play Edward 40 hands on Sloppy Saturday. Kyle finally threw up and had to be transported. Everyone cheered as if their school had won the big game. Kyle needed a vacation badly.

A week went by, Kyle was back home. Packed and ready, he waited for the boys to pull up in Malcolms Mitsubishi SUV which could fit all of them. Their planned destination was Canada. They chose Canada because both weed and alcohol was legal and the age of consumption was eighteen. While Kyle’s peers from school were making prison wine alone, the boys were going to get fucked up in Canada. Their plan was to drive to Montreal and get fucked up on higher percentage alcohol and top quality weed. Since Nelk was from Canada, Kyle had his Full Send shirt on ready to go. The car pulled up.

Jon was driving, Mark was in the front passenger seat giving directions. In the back seat was Nick, Malcolm, and Gianni. In the very back would be Jay and Kyle. Both Nick and Jay had quality cameras with microphones. The boys had planned on starting up a youtube channel, what better way to start vlogging than a road trip to Canada. 

“Get in fucker.” Jon said.

“Jesus Christ do I really have to sit in the trunk area?” Kyle asked.

“Well we don’t have money to rent a van that can fit all of us so we got to work with what we got.” Mark responded.

“Fuck.” Kyle said.

Kyle got in the back of the SUV and the boys took off. The car ride was very uncomfortable for everyone, especially for Jay and Kyle who were in the trunk space with all the bags. Every few hours the boys would pull over at a rest area to use the bathroom and change drivers. Due to the fact that Malcolm was watching obese nugget porn in the car, he got banished to the trunk area and Kyle took over the driving. The boys were starting to have a good time vlogging and telling funny stories in the car. Everyone got a turn at the AUX cord. The music ranged from metal and punk such as Avenged Sevenfold and The Bouncing Souls to rap and ska such as Post Malone and Sublime. Kyle getting distracted didn’t realize that he was going ninety miles per hour. The speed limit was sixty five. It was up near Lake George when they got pulled over. 

“Fuck! God damnit Kyle!” Jon yelled.

“Don’t worry I know how to deal.” Kyle said calmly as the officer approached the car. Kyle rolled down his window.

“Hey, shooting black people am I right?” Kyle said to the officer trying to get on his good side.

“What?” The cop replied.

“Hey man we’re cool. We respect what you do, shooting black people and stuff.” Kyle lied. 

“Sir can I just see your license and registration?” The cop asked sternly. 

“Fuck.” Kyle said in shame getting the registration. 

As Kyle was getting the necessities, the cop looked inside the car. The cop was fine with everyone in the car until he saw Jay in the back. Jay was half black and had an eraser haircut. The cop looked directly at Jay.

“You know I think I smell weed in the car, I think you boys better get out.” 

“Fuck! What do we do?!” Malcolm panicked.

“I got this.” Mark replied. He pulled out his pistol and shot the cop twice. Kyle sped off.

“Damn good thinking Mark!” Nick shouted.

“It’s about fucking time I got a kill in this bitch.” Mark replied. 

“I can’t wait to get me some kills!” Jay commented.

“Jay shut the fuck up.” Mark said turned around.

The boys made it across the border without being stopped by any police. They approached the border patrol for Canada. They looked at the boys and integrated. 

“What do you boys plan on doing in Canada eh?” The officer asked.

“We got a huge bag of Anthrax that we are going to release at the top of the CN Tower in Toronto. This is the last time Pat fucks me over on a cocaine deal!!” Kyle responded.

“Okie dokie, enjoy Canada eh.” 

“Fuck off you canuk.” Kyle said, driving off into Canada.

By 8:00pm the boys reached Montreal. Kyle had switched with Mark and they made it to the hotel. The boys checked into their rooms. There were two rooms. Kyle, Malcolm, and Jon took one room while Mark, Jay, Nick, and Gianni took the other. They immediately dropped their bags and went out for the night. Their plan was to only drink. They would hit the bars and send it on Molson beer and Crown Royal Whiskey. While at the bars they got into a drunken brawl. Kyle had a New York Ranger hat on backwards. The Rangers had just swept the Montreal Canadiens, stopping their chance at winning the Stanley Cup. A Canadians fan walked into the bar and saw Kyle’s hat.

“Hey fuckface! We don’t like you New Yorker types eh!” The Canadian shouted. 

“Bruh the fuck you want! I’m just trying to drink with the boys!” Kyle responded. 

“I bet I can kick your ass you redneck American!” 

“Oh fuck no! You did not just slander the best country on Earth! I’m gonna kick your ass Sean Avery style!!” 

Kyle and the Canadian went into the street, the boys followed. Kyle channeled his inner rage from college as well as his knowledge from the countless hockey games he has watched over the years. Before everyone knew it the two were fighting old time hockey style in the street. More Canadians followed trying to get a few swings at Kyle. Malcolm and Mark got involved taking the two other Canadians. It was an all out brawl in the streets and the benches were cleared. With a crowd surrounding them, the boys beat the shit out of the Canadians, raping them at their own game. When the cops arrived they fled the scene to another bar. 

The boys woke up the next morning hungover. They didn’t have any weed to suppress their headaches since their plan was to buy weed in Canada. While on their drunken bar crawl, the boys didn’t see any weed dispensaries. They all met up in the lobby and left to find the local weed dispensary. They looked online and found the closest one. After walking two blocks, the sign said it was closed. They kept looking online and noticed that every dispensary was closed. Something was not right. The boys asked a stranger on the street.

“Hey why are all the weed dispensaries closed?” Gianni asked. 

“Oh it’s a national shortage eh.” 

“What?! No! Fuck!” Malcolm yelled.

“Sorry eh.” 

The boys looked inside and saw there was still a small amount of weed left. They were being saved until the shortage ended. The boys having driven eight hours just to get good weed, were not leaving Canada without some. Kyle soon got a snap from one of the fakes at his school.

“I’m so cool hitting da boof. Imma get zoinked on Junko!!!” The snap read.

“Remind me to bop that poser mother fucker on our next adventure.” Mark said.

The boys looked online and in the newspapers. No weed dispensaries were open in the entire country. With little weed left in the stores, they decided to rob them. The boys went to the local supply store. They got ski masks and crowbars. They then went back to the dispensary. 

“Okay since Jon and I don’t smoke we’re gonna plan the heist for you and drink this six pack of Molson while you guys fumble to get the weed.” Kyle commented. 

“Okay what’s the plan?” Gianni asked.

“You are literally gonna break through the window and grab as much as you can.” Jon replied. 

“Why aren’t you guys helping?” Jay asked.

“Remember how you and Mark wanted more kills on these adventures? Here’s your chance to shine buddy.” Kyle responded.

“Ight bet.” 

Mark and Jay approached the store. They took one look at each other and smashed the window open. They jumped in and stole as much weed they could fit in their duffle bags. Malcolm and Gianni went down the block and did the exact same thing. Kyle and Jon stood with Molsons in their hands watching the entire heist go down. Nick approached the boys with the car and they all hopped in. Two cop cars raced down the street since the alarms went off in the stores. Nick hit the gas and sped away. The boys were being chased by the police in downtown Montreal. Speeding through intersections and walkways, they managed to get out of the city limits. The boys were now being chased by four cops on the highway heading towards Niagara Falls. Once there were no other cars on the road the cops started to shoot. The car started to swerve.

“Fuck what do we do?!” Malcolm asked frantically. 

“Yo it’s my turn for a kill.” Jay said. 

Jay grabbed the gun from his bag and stuck himself out the back window. Kyle wondered to himself how they were able to make it across the border with ten guns. At this moment he didn’t care since the guns were protecting them yet again. Jay shot one cop causing the car to swerve. The cop car behind it crashed into it. With two cops out there were still two more to deal with. The cops called a helicopter to hover over the chase as well. Kyle being the douchebag he was, decided to stick himself out and flip off the helicopter. Nick got off the highway into a small rural town. Nick was swift with the car and lost the cops. They pulled into the local diner. 

The diner had around eight college kids. The boys got a table and ordered. The college kids were curious as to why these American outsiders were in their diner. They approached the boys. 

“What are you doing here eh?” 

“We just outran the cops because we are harboring a dead body in the trunk of our car. That’s the last time Ricardo rapes my wife.” Kyle responded.

“We just came from a gender rights rally eh. You people should’ve joined.” The Canadian said.

“Nah that’s not our thing. I hope you guys had fun.” Jon said.

The seemingly nice Canadian college students quickly turned red. The boys forgot that there was a strict law that went against freedom of speech protecting the gender queers. The boys violated the law on the biggest liberal campus in the world, Canada. 

“We don’t take to kindly to you’re homophobic ways eh!” The Canadian shouted. 

“Oh Jesus fuck not this again.” Kyle said, annoyed. “Guys let me deal with these retards, I do it all the time at my school.” 

“You did it again! We preach tolerance you biggoted asshole!! Kill yourself!!” 

“If you don’t step out of my face it ain’t gonna be me who gets killed.” Kyle said straight faced to the Canadian.

The Canadian college students were surrounding the boys. They grabbed pitchforks and hockey sticks. Mark grabbed his gun and started shooting randomly to scare off the Canadians. When they were distracted the boys ran for the car without paying for their meal. The boys drove off as the town was gathering for a riot against them. After three hours of driving, the boys made it to Niagara Falls. They were on the Canadian side. The boys enjoyed the view and started to smoke. They had no clue that getting high in Canada would mean two robberies and a full on police chase. By some miracle that one would think would only work in a fictional story, they escaped and started to get crossed. It was at that moment when a cop drove by and recognized the boys. He immediately turned the sirens on and started to drive up. The boys got in the car and started to drive crossed. Not knowing the chase would continue, they all drank. Jon had the least amount of beers making him the driver. The cops were just about to catch up when the boys crossed the border. The boys were officially out of Canada and back on American soil. The Canadian cops stopped and drove off since it was not their jurisdiction. 

Since the boys were back in the United States, weed was illegal again. The boys found a hidden spot on the American side where they could smoke and drink. There they watched the view crossed while the Canadian cops went berserk trying to find them. The boys might’ve gotten themselves banned from Canada, but they had a supply of booze and weed to last them the entire summer. This was only the start to their boomin summer.

  
  


I hope you enjoyed my boomin road trip. Now go fuck your cousin you redneck retard. 

  
  



End file.
